Confession: I am brokenhearted. Desperate. Needy. I've been looking in the wrong place for the remedy, thinking if I can just wrap my words around what's happened in my church life over the last 18 months, I can help put it to bed. There's nothing I want more than to be free of it. It's like a terrible break-up. Do you know what I mean?
It's like what happens when you watch a scary movie, and you get spooked. Then your house comes alive with eerie noises and shifty shadows that linger long after the show is over. The only fix when that happens to me is my favorite sitcom. I have to replace the old picture with a new one.
It's not that I'm sitting around feeling needy and brokenhearted all the time. That's not who I am. But, when something comes up that points backward, that's what bubbles up in my soul. Confession 2: I haven't fully and honestly dealt with it. Mostly because I still feel stunned when I recount some of it. Then disappointed. I opted for a move forward and never look back approach, which served me well in the immediate weeks following, but now the Lord is saying, "Hey, let's redeem that for good. Let me at your heart."
I'm three weeks into a new Bible study (it's called Seeking Him, if you're wondering), and it's abundantly clear: what I need is a revival. Renewal. Refreshing. How about you? How's your heart? How's your soul? How are you doing, for real? It's okay to fess up and own our imperfections. If I've learned anything at all, it's that I'm not the only person walking the planet with this kind of struggle. This is the hard stuff, and none of us are exempt.
Want to come along over next twelve weeks for some real talk, to process through some hard stuff? (Yay! A new blog series!) I'd love that. There's something beautiful that happens when we can come along side each other and say, "Hey, me too." So, what do you say?
I'm starting here:
Teach me Your way, Lord, that I may rely on your faithfulness; give me an undivided heart that I may fear Your name. I will praise You, Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify Your name forever. For great is Your love toward me; You have delivered me from the depths of the grave.(Psalm 86:11-13)
That's what I want. An undivided heart.
Can I encourage you today, sweet friends? God is infinitely good and deeply concerned for your heart. Invite Him into the hard stuff. It becomes something beautiful when we put it into His hands.