Old Friends and My 17-Year-Old Self

I’ve been in one of those moods. You know the kind of mood where I’m all in my feelings, remembering, thinking, reflecting, asking all the questions.

Recently I saw a handful of people from way back when and it stirred up all kinds of things.

Like sadness because life can sometimes change so quickly that it takes your breath away. One minute you’re living your best 17-year-old life. You have plans and people and places. But in the blink of an eye, your best 17-year-old life seems to vanish into thin air. It morphs into something you couldn’t have imagined and, in some ways, didn’t choose even if just for a season. And the plans, the places, and people vanish right along with it.  Sometimes they come back around, and sometimes not. And, I’m not being dramatic.

Like gratitude because some people feel like coming home. Do you know what I mean? It’s like your soul breathes a deep sigh of relief at the sight of them, because once-upon-a-time they were your people. And while 17-year-old Valerie didn’t have language for it, these people were safe, steady, and oh-so-significant to me. To have known them for any time at all is a gift. And, if you’re lucky, you’ll get to know them again.

Like grief because when you stand across from people who somehow still feel like home after decades of distance, you feel the sense of loss all over again and a tiny hint of wishful thinking that you could pick right back up where you left off. Because how can it possibly be that thirty years passed.

Like regret because I didn’t understand how to invite my friends into hard, messy things, so I let them go instead. I’m not sure many 17-year-olds really understand how to do that, at least not 17-year-olds like me. Now I know better.

Like curiosity because you want to know all the things. ALL of them. But to bombard my friends with all the questions would have been a tiny bit obnoxious. And I’m sure I was ridiculous, but I don’t even care.

Like joy because when you’re looking for it, you can find it in the most unlikely places. These people represent something good and right. They’re part of moments I look back on with fondness that make my heart smile even today. My best 17-year-old life was turned upside down by trauma and tragedy. But here we are, all these years later, because Jesus. And, my best life is this one. Also, because Jesus.

Like hope because God is strong and kind. He will never be one without the other. He is patient, full of unfailing love, and always present. He’s perfectly faithful, and friends, He’s paying attention. This weekend, He knew just what my heart needed.

That’s who He is —the God who sees. And, this is what He does — the God who cares.

In the meantime, if you have people in your life who feel like home let them know. Today. Tell them that they matter. Make it weird. Otherwise you might find yourself standing on the other side of thirty years, wishing your 17-year-old self had known better.

Love your people. Love them well. Love them on purpose. And, love them out loud. Yeah, what if we did that?

{Five Minute Friday | Friend}

It's Five Minute Friday. That means unplanned, unedited, straight-from-the-heart-to-the-paper writing. Yep, you just write whatever comes out based on a word you're given. If you have five minutes, you should give it a try!  Find out how here.

This week the prompt is {FRIEND}.

Ready? Go.

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the prompt. See, the Lord and I have been talking a lot about this. It seems over the last several months, many people I called friend have wandered away or become somehow unavailable, several of them without explanation or conversation. I'm relieved to see some of them go if I'm honest. But, with others, there's a certain sense of loss. Confession: I'm quite needy these days, craving connection with particular people face-to-face. But, I'm not great at making time for that outside of my daily grind. And, the sting of rejection is a very real thing to sort through when you reach out with no reply. That's where the Lord and I have been sorting some stuff out. See, the thing is, some people make you better and others, not so much. I want the former to be true of me. So, I'm asking Him to teach me how to be a friend who is an honest and lovely representation of Jesus. I'm also asking Him to show me where to invest and where to let go. That's a hard process.

There's another piece, though. I found myself again looking to people to satisfy some deep thing in me rather than to Jesus. And, y'all, it's just not possible. Goodness, at some point, it seems I could check that box. But now and then, I find that I slip back into old patterns of people-pleasing because my soul is longing for something that only Jesus can give me. In seasons of transition, it's especially easy to slip back. I am oh so thankful that God continually pursues us.

Here's the thing: Jesus is enough. I know, that seems shallow and cliche. But it comes from a belief deep in my soul, anchored firmly in His unwavering love. Nothing else will ever be enough, especially when I neglect the most important One. Sometimes we do that you know? We overfill our lives, our hearts, and minds until we don't have much room left for Him. And though we're busy or living "full" lives, something is missing. Even if we can say we have everything we want, apart from Him, it's all meaningless. When I find myself in a spot where I'm missing something or someone, He's always the remedy. May I encourage you today sweet friends if you are struggling with feeling alone and isolated? He's our most constant companion, a friend that sticks closer than any other. Start with Him. He is enough. Let Him be the One we think of first. Yes, always Jesus.

Stop.

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{Five Minute Friday | Team}

It's Five Minute Friday. That means unplanned, unedited, straight-from-the-heart-to-the-paper writing. Yep, you just write whatever comes out based on a word you're given. If you have five minutes, you should give it a try!  Find out how here.

This week the prompt is {TEAM}.

Ready? GO.

The people around you matter. I can’t think of another nugget of truth that so profoundly affects you from the outside in. Those people surrounding you and your relationships with them matter. Have you ever aligned yourself with the wrong people? I have. The effects can haunt you for days, months, even years. Then, there are people who, without a doubt, are God-sent. People who make life a little sweeter. Yeah, those folks are like treasure.

One thing I’ve recognized over the last few weeks is this: I need my team to share the same crazy-love for Jesus. I need my team to pray for me, to challenge me, to hold me accountable to the truth of Scripture. I need my team to be striving and working toward the same thing — chasing God wholeheartedly, knowing Him and doing what God has put in their hands to do to bring Him glory and make Him known. Something beautiful happens when we gather around Jesus. Something crazy-good. 

I know what you might be thinking. Why in the world would you only want to be with like-minded people? But, that’s not what I’m talking about. I have no desire to hole up in my living room and spend all my time with “just my people.” My team, though, they are home-base. People who launch and propel me forward and out into the purposes of God. Yeah, that’s what we do for each other. Not everyone gets to be on that team. Not everyone has permission to speak into and over my life. It’s a big deal, and I would be foolish NOT to guard my heart in that way. 

I am so thankful that God has placed people around me who love Him like crazy. I love how our stories tie together. I love what He’s doing in our lives, both individually and collectively. Sometimes, we laugh together, or cry together, or just have all kinds of fun together. Conversation flows. Sometimes, it's easy, sometimes deep, and other times it's hard. But, it's always ok. There is always love and trust, camraderie. All of these things matter. Godly friendships can't be underestimated. Even in our relationships, we can be about making Jesus known. Even our team can be about kingdom business.

Who’s on your team? May I encourage you today? Speak life. Encourage. Love. Pray for each other. Believe in each other. We are better together. 

STOP.